p. 269: "But ...
But what have I done with my life?
With my youth ...

On that day during my eighteenth year ...
Why could I only appear as a man before Fersen? [At that point in the story Oscar believed she loved Count Fersen, but he was in love with Marie Antoinette]

Year after year ...
There was only one thing, only one thing ...
Hiding my heartache under my uniform.
But why?

I felt I had to conceal my first, forbidden, love.
Now I've finally gotten over it,
but to what purpose?"