Names of contestants

Should a wise woman marry – writing contest

1. wise-woman-in-train

Should I wise woman marry? I don’t know, I don’t even know what a wise woman is. Am I a wise woman? I am in college abut I wouldn’t considered myself wise after I borrowed my friend’s car and crashed it into her garage. But in the most cliché of ways I think a woman, wise or not, should do whatever she feels is right. If she has no money no friends but someone she deeply cares for why not marry? It’s all fine with me. Just marry the right person; someone who doesn’t agree with Juvenal is probably a safer bet. And hey if it doesn’t work out, who cares! I won’t be there telling you “I told you so” or that you did not make the wise choice. You did your best, you followed your heart and your gut feeling.  And shouldn’t that make you a wise woman? A woman is called unwise for marrying and then called a crazy spinster if she doesn’t marry. So in the end, “do what you want” is what I say because everyone is going to judge you anyways so might as well do what you want. And if you feel like taking on the challenge of marrying, I think that makes a woman pretty wise.

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2. Sapphus

Women! Be not beholden to the whims of a spouse. Does it please you to
think that you are nothing but a vessel for semen and tax deductions? Let
not the invasive parasites of the enemy infest the sacred temple of your
insides! For only fools would willingly settle for a life so simple and
degrading as that of she who is but "wife".

The wise woman asks for directions, and need not worry about a husband's
pride leading her to certain death.

The wise woman fulfills herself with learning, with art, and with
function. The limits placed on her in marriage suffocate her creativity
and potential for greatness.

The wise woman pleases herself with orgasms a man would flinch to attempt,
in her own time, and with greater satisfaction than if that wretched male
organ had vomited its stores inside her.

The wise woman finds other wise women and forgoes the posturing of
male-centered society. She creates an atmosphere of rationality amid the
crazed masses of walking testosterone vessels, and applies herself to
improving the world.

The wise woman cares for children if it pleases her. She is not beholden
to a husband's desires, and may choose without his attempts to control
the life which most suits her. Her body is her own, as is her life, and if
she wishes to have a child, whether birthed or adopted, it is hers and no
one else's.

Why would a wise woman marry at all? To have her agency stripped and
herself degraded and simplified does not require the imprisonment of
marriage. It is a woman's duty to create a better world, not to allow
herself to be crushed by it.
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3. Fantastic Fox

Should A Wise Woman Marry?
            If women were to be anthropomorph-ized into a vast array of beasts,
each assigned an animal according to that attribute that most characterized
her being, then assuredly the wise woman would be the fox: that most
cunning and calculating of all the animal kingdom.
            Foxes, alleged by some to be pure evil and all-knowing, are undoubtedly
beasts that live instinctively and in accordance with nature so as to
best ensure not only their own survival, but the survival of their young.
Both National Geographic and the Discovery channel ascertain that foxes
vary in their mating patterns. There are many foxes who select a mate and
do not part with this mate for the remainder of their lives, in a manner
much akin to human concepts of marriage. However, just as many foxes, if
not more, remain with their mate only during season, or in many cases,
until the resultant cubs hit fox puberty.
            Evidently, foxes do as they please and as befits their survival and the
survival of any potential offspring. So too does the wise woman. Should
she choose to marry, because it benefits her (or her children's) quality
of life, or simply because she desires it, then she shall marry.
            If, however, her nature wills that she should not marry, then still she
remains a happy and foxy woman.
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4. Driving Around Town

A wise woman would face certain oppression if she were not paired with a man of similar intellectual gifts. That, unfortunately, is not the only answer since that presupposes that said wise woman would not be clever enough to train the mind of a lesser intellect to do her bidding. Then, a wise woman, if society is acting in her favor and offers due accord for the liberty of choosing spouses, would be most wise to marry a man beneath her intellectual capacity, for then she could train him to meet her standards. That presupposes that training a more feeble mind is an enviable duty, one that could lead to predictable results. If the ignorant man were to gain some sense of self-wit and self-independence, perhaps greed and pride would be enough to compel him to reignite the proper natural order that society compels. In that case, a more discerning and understanding man, a man who can recognizes the hierarchical callings of nature, those places within the personality that sometimes do ravage and other times are used for purely good works, would be more appropriate. The answer is entirely too complex and is part of the arduous journey of exercising independent choice that is balanced with the surrendering of expressions of selfhood, which we call life.
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5. "Hot Pockets."

A wise woman should not marry unless she marries a woman because all men are dumbasses. They still wear carpenter pants, cargo shorts, and ugly strappy sandals, yet still think that they can tell women how to dress. According to them, women in tank tops and shorts are "asking for it." Guys in carpenter jeans are "asking for it" too if the "it" we're talking about means a punch in the face and eternal celibacy. Because they have the art of repelling the opposite gender down pat, they think they can tell women what to do. All they do is talk about how women wear too much makeup or too little, when they should worry more about applying some damn concealer to their own sorry faces. Seriously, they could use it.

Their ignorance simply knows no bounds, and everything they say is a contradiction. "No homo," a high school boy whispers feverishly while drawing dicks on any surface he can get his Doritos-crusted fingers on. 

"Not all guys are like that," says an ugly, carbuncular douchebag in ill-fitting clothes, offended when a woman complains about some recent douchebaggery she has endured. "I'm a nice guy. I always get friendzoned because of it."

Now, "friend zone" sounds like a fun place to be. Who doesn't want to find themselves in a zone full of friends? Men, apparently.

So ladies, if you're smart, don't bother. They don't take care of their back hair and they smell like grease anyway. What's more, they'll try to boss you around all the time, even though they never know what the hell is going on or where they left their wallet or the car keys. They forget everything--even simple things like putting down the toilet seat. They'd leave their own ass in the bathroom and forget all about it if it were possible. 
            Do you want to deal with a human being that never mentally ages past the age of three? I thought not.
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6. Rose Wirthlis
Should A Wise Woman Marry?

A woman should do what she or they want(s). Unfortunately, women are still unable to do what they want, even in the context of the supposedly egalitarian United States. Not every wise woman is able to do what she wants because not every woman has choices. Women with privilege, say, white women of the middle and upper class who receive ample support from guardians, mostly have access to choices and most likely would be able to choose whether or not to marry. Additionally, if anything went wrong, a woman of this circumstance could fall back onto her family for help. My father has always taught me that I do not need a man or person to take care of me, Professor said something similar in lecture earlier. But, again, not everyone has these voices growing up which promote self-sufficiency. Many women, particularly poor women of color and trans* women of color, look for means of simple day to day survival, unlike middle class white women who look for self-fulfillment. Society does not allow every woman or every person the same amount of agency. Additionally, if these women are in marriages with say, domestic abuse that severely threatens their life and/or their child's life, where are they going to go? Oh, yes, that’s right-- probably no where, because they’re probably economically dependent on their partner. This is not to say that these women are not personally strong or that these women are doomed, but the way in which society is set up benefits only a very few. These women do not have the same opportunities as their more privileged sisters. Thus, the question applies only to certain wise women, because current society allows only the most well off the ability to be independent from marriage.
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7. --Juvenal Jr.
Should a Wise Woman Marry??!!!!??!?!
To marry, or not to marry: that is the question:
Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The stench and bellows of outrageous male-forms,
Or to take arms against that sea of fellows,
And, by opposing, remain single? To refuse: to be free;
Yes please; and by freedom to say we end
The heart-ache and the shackled natural protests
That woman is heir to, ‘tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To refuse, to be free;
To be free; perchance to establish an economically-stable future as a single,
Intelligent female—aye, that’s the stuff;
For in that liberated state, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off that matrimonial coil,
We may actually act upon; there’s the respect
That makes worthwhile so long a life!
For who would bear the whips and scorns of males,
That oppressor’s wrong, a husband’s stupidity,
The pangs of being despised because you’re loved, his mind’s perpetual delay,
The general insolence of husbands and the spurns
A husband dishes out with the inability to take,
When he himself might your own death make
If you don’t escape him? who would his tempers bear,
To grunt and sweat under his giant form,
But for the dread of something worse than death,
That well-known country, hell? Well, hell too
Can exist on earth, so it puzzles the will
That a woman would rather bear those ills of marriage’s hell
Than to fly to a freedom that marriage knows not of.
Thus marriage does make fools of women, all.
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8. Elizabeth Bennett:

 A wise woman is decisive and willing to make decisions that are scary and important. so often women feel the pressure of society, of family, of other life factors which clouds decision and leads to not knowing what one would want. when women are indecisive and make decisions because they don't know what they want, then they should not marry. A wise woman should marry but only because she wants to, because she decides thats what she wants to. 
 

9. Hermione Granger Inspired by Juvenal.  
     
                Should a wise woman marry? Absolutely not! We have no need for such inferior beings.               
            Men are nothing but brutish beasts that cannot be tamed, wanting nothing but to piss and spread their ejaculate on any source of flesh. More likely to be a source of grief and piercing migraines than any sort of worthwhile addition to our lives, why must we deal with their uselessness.  We, as women, would be better off without these insatiable monsters, hell-bent on ruining our lives and dragging down the evolution of our people.
            Why do we marry? For the bedroom's pleasure? For children?               
Lust, one of the most noble of women's virtues, need not be satiated by the touch of a filthy man and that pathetic flap of flesh dangling between his legs. A wise woman is not dependent; she is self-reliant and intuitive. The pleasures of a man can easily be replaced with the company of one's ripe cucumber or a neighbor's carrot. Even the noble vegetable is more effective and efficient than those damned mongrels. I know for a fact that my beloved cucumber will not leave a repulsive mess to be cleaned after the deed has been done. It can even be served in a delicious salad after its use, satiating both one's loins and stomach. How's that for efficient?! Just look to your garden, as there is nothing more righteous than embracing the products of Mother Nature, herself.
                Oh, it is a child that you want? Someone to love and nurture? Fear not. We need not worry about the dangers of possibly birthing a boy, as we must stop the bringing of more toxicity into this world. The love between a mother and her offspring can easily be replicated with the adoption of a local goat. Not only can it be the subject of all of our affections, but its eventual death will only bring us more joy, for it can be served as supper for an entire week! The more nurturing the mother, the more delicious the goat!
                Without men, we women will prosper! Our race will grow for centuries to come, provided we eradicate the male menace. Listen! My logic is more sound than any man’s out there. We have little need for those brutes and their foul seed. With them gone, we shall prosper for generations!
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10. -Amanda Hugandkiss

            Should a wise woman marry? Of course not. Men only bring about a sea of troubles that should not be borne by women. A man is the root of all woman’s problems, when at first wooing, the man is kind and considerate but once marriage comes around, men go about their own desires thinking that they have captured a woman and chained her to the kitchen and bedroom. The wise woman would forever draw on a string of lovers that will do her bidding and be sure that she will never go without. Thus she will be free to pursue her own desires. She can move up in the world by herself yet have the love and affection of all her lovers. If a lover were to make trouble, then simply drop him from your life. There will be plenty more where they come from They will be sure to find another woman of the less wise variety. Let them be chained to the home while the wise woman takes on the world and let the less wise ones be subjugated to the fancies. If a child is necessary, simply adopt or take someone’s seed. The presence of men is not needed for such frivolous acts. They only care to entertain themselves anyway. So free yourself from worry and strife and stay away from marriage as you would an angry bear.
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11. Penny Lane

Should a Wise Woman Marry?

            “Should a wise woman marry?” said Don.  He sat at the kitchen table with a notebook and paper, ready to write.  An uneaten cupcake sat next to the notebook.

            He posed the question to his mother, but his five-year-old sister answered.

            “A wise woman should always be merry,” said Stephanie, leaning back on her chair with frosting on her nose.

            “Was it worth it to marry?” said Maria, taking the wrapper off her cupcake.  “You two are more than worth it.”

            “Right, but what made you do it?” said Don.

            Maria thought.  “It was good timing, at the time,” she said.

            “So a wise woman should marry,” said Don, scribbling in his notebook.

            “No, not necessarily,” said Maria, holding up her hand.  Her left hand had no ring.  “Marriage doesn’t make a woman wise.  What makes a woman-contemplating-marriage wise is knowing if it is right for her.”

            “i’m wise,” said Stephanie, sitting up and stuffing a cupcake in her mouth.

            “How so?” said Don.

            Stephanie swallowed in one big gulp.  “I ate your cupcake,” she said.

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12. MissRae

Should a Wise Woman Marry?
            It’s an interesting questions and I’d say yes, a wise woman should marry, if that is what she wants. And not if she “wants” it because that is what her mom and grandmother and the rest of her family pressure her into. Not if the patriarchy dictates that the only way she has any worth is if a man is there by her side. I’d say a wise woman does marry someone, not necessarily a man, if that really is what she wants, and if the marriage still allows her to define herself outside of the marriage and fulfill other goals.
            But marriage is a convention of society, a rather hetero-normative one, that exists in order to control societal order. So what ends up happening is that people, especially women get socialized to think that they want to get married. Even if they have ambitions and goals outside of finding a husband, there is an extraordinary amount of pressure on women because of the gender roles assigned to women as “mother” and “caregiver” first, and anything else second. Women “need” to make babies and produce the next generations, and they should want to do that according to society.
            So I say a wise woman should marry if she’s taken into consideration the notion that she would be upholding generations of ideology, and say “I may be participating in a hetero-normative notion of society, but fuck that.” A wise woman wants to marry someone because she values her own life, her own opinions, and her own existence more than society.
            And she can marry a man, a woman, or anyone in between and be happy. 
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13. acorn belcher

Should a wise woman, let alone any woman marry? Probably not.  Other than
some primitive need to reproduce or some need of company, marriage will
only destroy the woman. Not only will she look increasingly ugly after
childbirth, but she’ll just produce some shitty kid anyways. Yes, the kid
will be a parasite, leeching  blood and money. What about tax benefits?
Yes a wise woman should marry for tax purposes. It’s only beneficial; I
mean she’s got nothing to lose. Till death do us part? No thanks, she can
just divorce. Win win; her spouse won’t have to kill her, and she gets a
huge settlement. Who’d want to be with just one person for such a long
time anyways? Nope. No one. And Why ruin another person’s life, might as
well die alone. Only a shitty person would want to burden another person
with marriage. I mean they'll just end hating each other for the most
part, then missing each other when one dies. Why would anyone want that, let alone a wise woman?
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14. Jessica Day

If it is true what they say that love makes everyone blind and dumb, then the wise woman and man should not marry because, well that's not good for society and themselves- no good decisions are made when one is intoxicated. The wise woman should not marry if she knows what she wants especially if she feels as if marriage is not for her and children are not for her. In other words a wise woman does as she feels fit and does not always think about herself but about how her actions affect others as well as herself. 

15. Scout Finch

Should a wise woman marry?

Well, a wise woman should only marry a man who stays in his place.

He will be one of those guys who isn’t too pretty to be smart.

But, he’ll be able to flirt his way to anything he wants, maybe just by flashing a little chest hair here and there. (In fact, every moment of recognition he’s ever received will be just because of how pretty he really is.)

He would rather raise the children than have a career—not that a career was really every an option for him anyways. (Though, he is really good at running out to buy everyone coffee.)

He’ll like to tie a pretty bow in the back of his apron just above his round ass as he makes her a sandwich.

He’ll have very few lovers while she sleeps with different men every night and high fives her friends over it the next morning.

He will be sure to voice his opinion as little as possible, because they both know that she’s the one who wears the pants in the relationship. It’s not like he’ll be strong or confident enough to speak up anyways—men are just wired like that; they’re crazy.

He certainly won’t be an ugly, woman-hating man with hairy armpits. Nobody wants to be with one of those crazy masculinist guys who complains all the time and hates sex.

How can a wise woman land such a gem, you ask?

She’ll go out to a club and leech him. She’ll just come up and starting dancing with her, without asking, touching him in places she knows he just wants to be touched.

She’ll buy him drinks until he can’t walk and then “offer to walk him home.”

She’ll holler and whistle at him from cars, windows, and other distant places.

She’ll constantly make forward comments because she knows he wants the v.

Bitches just love when you do that kind of shit.